"You have the right person."

As soon as I read that line, the day after the Aurora shootings, I knew it was a misquote.

It was part of a scoop for ABC: they'd tracked down the shooter's mom and got her on the phone. Their report used the quote three times - once in the headline and twice in the story itself - and went out of its way to characterize its meaning: James Holmes's mom "told ABC News her son was likely the alleged culprit," "immediately expressed concern her son may be involved in the shooting death of at least 12 people overnight" and was "apparently speaking on gut instinct."

^TKTKTKTKT

When NBC announced that it had picked up The Playboy Club pilot, the decision was controversial, to say the least. Former undercover Bunny Gloria Steinem called for a boycott, and an NBC affiliate in Salt Lake opted not to air the new program. Empowering, it will not be. The network has received considerable flack from family-values conservatives and feminist liberals for its gross glorification of hypersexuality and hypersexism.

ABC had "Lost." ABC has the insanely (and inexplicably) popular "Dancing With the Stars." ABC has the very funny (and hopefully long-running) "Modern Family." The one thing that ABC has failed to have is their own piece of real estate in the exploding vampire market. Until now. Anybody with a pulse (or not, as the case may be) knows that vamps are way hot right now.