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Best of Boston 2009

Do mess with Texas

By MATT TAIBBI  |  December 5, 2007

Quincy, you may remember, followed the Ricky Williams career arc — washed out of the NFL, bounced to the CFL, and finally got dumped by the Montreal Alouettes with what was termed a “serious marijuana problem.” In 2006 he was busted — oddly enough in Irving, Texas, home of the Cowboys — but was released after a Dallas talk-show host posted his bond. Carter then went to the arenafootball2 league (we never heard of it, either) and briefly excelled before this latest incident. As of this writing, he has just checked into the Hanley Center rehab clinic in West Palm Beach, Florida. His career now seems pretty much done. Sad stuff.

When he’s not googling “Houston, we have problems” and “foul playbook,” Matt Taibbi writes for Rolling Stone. He can be reached atM_Taibbi@yahoo.com.

Leader board
LAVON CHISLEY (PENN STATE)
| murder | 125
PACMAN JONES (TITANS) | multiple offenses, leaving dude paralyzed, having rocks in his tiny head | 110
JIMMY LEON WILSON (MONTANA) | murder (case pending) | 99
LOREN WADE (ARIZONA STATE) | murder, second degree | 98
STEVE SWINDAL (YANKEES) | DUI | 98
RON ARTEST (KINGS) | starving Socks, domestic violence, intimidation | 95
DOMINIC JONES (MINNESOTA) | cell-phone video rapist (case pending) | 90
JAMES RYAN NORRIS (TENNESSEE–CHATTANOOGA) | a rape and sexual assault at the same time | 90
CURLY-HAIRED BOYFRIEND (GLOBE) | making strange, heated phone calls to strangers | 90
O.J. SIMPSON (CITIZEN OF THE WORLD) | being just too funny for words | 88
MARIO TYNES, ERIC BROWN, RICKEY JOHNSON (CCU) | pistol-whipping, home invasion, toting pounds of doobage | 85
JULIO MATEO (PHILLIES) | punching, biting wife, sitting in bullpen with Brett Myers | 85
JOSEPH CARROLL (EX–GEORGIA BASEBALL) | attempted child-fondling | 84
ELIJAH DUKES (D-RAYS) | stalking, threats, weed, multiple busts, being a dick | 82
GREG COLEMAN, JERAMY PATE, AND MIKE SHELTON (MONTANA) | kidnapping/Tasering/home invasion | 80
TOM PARROS (RETIRED, RAIDERS) | creepy teen sex assault | 80
RICHARD SEIGLER (STEELERS) | pimping | 79
MURIETTA JOCKS (MURIETTA FIGHT CLUB) | various | 75
DERRICK DAVIS (MONTANA STATE) | punching, throwing things at women | 70
CLAUDE TERRELL (RAMS) | breaking wife’s nose | 70
A.J. NICHOLSON (BENGALS) | hitting girlfriend, inducing her to say she hit herself | 69
TONE TAUPULE (IDAHO) | pistol-whipping, armed robbery | 62
JORDAN MURCHISON (WASHINGTON) | girl-beating, hair-pulling, being a dick | 60
TIM DONAGHY (NBA) | spearheading the NBA’s own personal Black Sox scandal | 58
JASON KIDD (NETS) | grabbing large-girl crotch; acting six years old | 55
DANA BROWN (IOWA) | girl-punching | 51
DOMINIQUE DOUGLAS (IOWA) | stealing $30.02 worth of DVDs from Wal-Mart, online hat shopping with stolen credit cards | 51
RAFER ALSTON (ROCKETS) | getting medieval and then blaming it on money-seeking victims | 50
BRYANT MCNEAL (RAIDERS) | bilking a pawnbroker and, worse, a dentist | 50
JUSTIN MILLER (JETS) | accidental girl-punching, getting caught on foot by cops | 50
SIX FOOTBALL PLAYERS (GUILFORD) | assault | 50 (downgraded)
SCOTT OLSEN (MARLINS) | getting Tasered, getting beat up by one’s own teammates, being a boorish clown with a lollipop breaking ball | 48
KATSUHIKO MAEKAWA (ORIX BUFFALOES) | DUI, hit/run | 47
RONNIE FIELDS (MINOT SKYROCKETS) | sex assault | 40
MICHAEL SIPILI (COLORADO) | breaking dude’s face in three places | 40
MIKE GILLESPIE (FLORIDA A&M) | lurking, pseudo-stalking | 38
ANDRE JONES (TEXAS) | home invasion (case pending) | 38
WILLIAM CHRISTOPHER DEWAR (CMU) | window peeping | 38
DAVID “CIRCUS” KIRCUS (BRONCOS) | breaking dude’s face | 36
LEE GRAY (EX-IOWA) | slinging rock and X | 35
CHRIS PERRI (COLORADO) | pounding on dude who tried to protect his girlfriend | 36
JUSTIN JACKSON (TENNESSEE) | slinging rock | 33
JERRAMY STEVENS (SEAHAWKS) | DUI, weed, throwing used condoms | 32
JOSE OFFERMAN (LONG ISLAND DUCKS) | hitting dudes with bat | 31
ANTHONY BOWMAN (IOWA) | online hat shopping with stolen credit cards | 31
LIONEL SULLIVAN (BGSU) | stealing video games, being a dumbass | 31
DEX REID (COLTS) | weed, gun, being a Colt, sucking while a Patriot | 30
MARVIN JONES (IDAHO) | dealing coke to undercover cops, getting caught for same | 30
MIKE TYSON (N/A) | coke, DUI | 28
RASHAUN BROADUS (BYU) | DUI, having Snoop Dogg’s last name | 26
GUSTAVO CHACIN (BLUE JAYS) | DUI, having cologne named after him | 26
PETER GARDERE (TEXAS) | DUI | 25
TONY LA RUSSA (CARDINALS) | DUI | 25
RYAN KRAUSE (CHARGERS) | DUI | 25
HENRY MELTON (TEXAS) | DUI | 25
TANK JOHNSON (CHICAGO BEARS) | DUI | 25
MAURICE PURIFY (NEBRASKA) | DUI, etc. | 25
GAINESVILLE POLICE (FL) | entrapping with dimebags, being sneaky fucks | 23
DONTRELLE WILLIS (MARLINS) | DUI, peeing | 23
BATMAN CARROLL (JAGUARS) | gun, ecstasy, sucking | 22
CHARLES SHARON (JAGUARS) | stolen gun | 22
DARRELL REID (COLTS) | weed-in-car, being a Colt | 20
RANDY FOYE (T-WOLVES) | fighting | 20
MINNY P.D. (MN) | Tasering | 20
KWAME BROWN (LAKERS) | Being verbally demonstrative with Georgia cops | 18
KRIS LUCHSINGER (OHIO) | bar fight | 18
CHESTER PITTS (TEXANS) | weird roadside resisting rap | 18
GERALD SENSABAUGH (JAGUARS) | gun, speeding | 17
TINSLEY, DANIELS, MCLEOD (PACERS) | fighting | 15
TARELL BROWN (TEXAS) | pre-draft weed bust | 11
QUINCY CARTER (BOSSIER-SHREVEPORT BATTLEWINGS) | for the ten-thousandth time, weed | 9
STEVE GARCIA (SOUTH CAROLINA) | keying a professor’s car, not getting away with it | 9
ROBERT ANTHONY GRANT (FORT HAYS STATE) | fugitive balling | 6
ERIC SCOTT (UCLA) | weird-ass burglary case | 6
MOBILE P.D. (AL) | being dicks | 5
ANTHONY WATERS (CHARGERS) | assault | 5
TYRELL GATEWOOD (TEXAS) | weed, driving while holding outstanding warrant | 5
SHAWNE WILLIAMS (PACERS) | driving without a license, making Larry Bird miserable | 3
TODD MARINOVICH (EX-RAIDER) | skateboarding on meth | 3
ANDRAY BLATCHE (WIZARDS) | soliciting undercover cop-chick on eve of contract signing | 3
ANTONIO HENTON (OHIO STATE) | also soliciting, but for less money than Blatche | 3
HOWARD STIRGUS (DENTON) | bomb threats | 3
DERMARR JOHNSON (NUGGETS) |getting Tasered | 2
MIKE TAYLOR (IOWA STATE) | stealing $11.06 | 1.5
WILLIE WILLIAMS (LOUISVILLE) | weed | 1
KYLE MCALARNEY (NOTRE DAME) | weed | 1
TERRANCE DESHAWN HOOKS (BYU) | weed | 1
JUSTIN REED (ROCKETS) | failing to drop weed baggie | 0.5
LEIGH BODDEN (BROWNS) | pulling a “full Peavy” | 0.5
BRANDON JAMES AND BRANDON POWELL (FLORIDA) | victims of petty weed entrapment | -9

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Comments
Do mess with Texas
"For instance, if your player has been caught sodomizing a blind girl in a wheelchair, the proper response would probably be, 'This incident does not reflect the John Doe I know, on and off the field.'" Priceless. Almost as funny as the Snoop Dogg's last name comment about the BYU player. These are the reason's I look forward to Thursdays...keep up the good work, Matt. And go Jets!
By Bob Stupack on 12/06/2007 at 10:12:13

ARTICLES BY MATT TAIBBI
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    Two Saints get caught sinning. Plus, swirling down the post-NFL drug-addiction drain.
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 See all articles by: MATT TAIBBI

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