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I ruined Stephen Colbert's coffee

By SEAN BARTLETT  |  September 28, 2006

“Don’t feel like you have to laugh,” someone tells me as I sit in the audience for the first time. “It’s important that we find out what works and what doesn’t during rehearsal so we can edit before show time.” But I felt awestruck, giddy even; Colbert could’ve read from The Bell Jar for the next hour and I’d still find it difficult to keep a smile from my face.

At the tail end of the internship, I found myself in the studio again, this time with the other interns, eagerly awaiting the true climax of the summer: a Q&A with Colbert himself. He sat in a lone chair on the floor in front of his character’s desk, a subtle gesture that let us know we were talking to Stephen Colbert the actor and not Stephen Colbert the megalomaniacal pundit. There was no artifice here, no showbiz insincerity; just a man addressing his adoring indentured servants. It was all the compensation we’d ever need.

One intern asked how Stephen feels about being pegged as not just a comedian, but also an important social figure. His response surprised me. He explained that, while there is some truth in the “sad-clown” theory of coping with a dismal world by finding comedy in tragedy, the humor comes first, with the political arena really just being a forum for the jokes. He doesn’t think he’s changing the world, and doesn’t really express a desire to do so. It was a refreshing take on his role in society, especially since there are times when Jon Stewart feels to me like he’s only a beret away from becoming the next Che Guevara, commanding an over-eager army of white college-age males with disposable income.

After fielding a few more questions, Stephen leaves the studio, citing an appointment to do voice over work at Sony studios across the street. I begin contemplating working for this man for the rest of my life, for free if I have to, but fall short of an overly sentimental O-captain-my-captain goodbye. The interns were then left to roam the studio unsupervised, and we proceeded to pose for pictures behind the desk in signature Colbert postures. A few even conduct mock interviews with each other, using question cards leftover from last night’s show. The scene carried with it a distinctly nostalgic, kids-on-a-playground vibe, recalling a time long before we concerned ourselves with padding resumes and finding decent health insurance, before we had to worry about global warming and the price of gas, before we knew there was a difference between whole and skim milk.

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Comments
I ruined Stephen Colbert's coffee
Sweet article. Does Colbert really have as sexy legs as they say?
By pjbss on 09/28/2006 at 1:16:10
I ruined Stephen Colbert's coffee
Raaaammmoooonnnnn....Just kidding Sean. Awesome article, excellently written.
By bigdirtyphil on 09/28/2006 at 3:34:41
I ruined Stephen Colbert's coffee
You aren't the kid from the "Shake 'n' Bake" commercial? I though that's how you got your in with Colbert... Nice work, Sean. I always enough laughing with you.
By sethy on 09/28/2006 at 4:15:38
I ruined Stephen Colbert's coffee
Great article, Sean. :)
By Christina on 09/28/2006 at 4:25:32
I ruined Stephen Colbert's coffee
Your writing is like a Stephen Colbert Martini: Intoxicatingly delicious, dry, and always puts me in a good mood.
By halligan on 09/28/2006 at 4:30:05
I ruined Stephen Colbert's coffee
Sweet summer job. You really conveyed the experience well to the readers, good article.
By peter_z on 09/28/2006 at 4:43:11
I ruined Stephen Colbert's coffee
Your last graf is one of the best I've read anywhere. Really liked it... a lot. However, I prefer to think of your writing like a Steven Colbert bag of Lays Potato Chips: delicious (not necessarily intoxicatingly so), salty, and I can't have just one...
By nickcamm on 09/28/2006 at 5:10:16
I ruined Stephen Colbert's coffee
Sean! What a great article! The only part you didn't capture about working here is the smell... that damn smell. -laura krafft
By laura k on 09/28/2006 at 7:14:05
I ruined Stephen Colbert's coffee
I agree with peter_z.. I must know more.. like how do you become an intern.. what kind of prerequisites do you need? and the image you give of kids at play in the studio.. I've had dreams like that, actually.. of walking into that studio.. and it was empty.. for me, it would be like a sacred place.. you have to stay quiet, like in church... at least, that's how it would feel.. as it is, it has become a bit of a Mecca for me.. to at least sit in the audience, just once... I'm hoping to get there soon....
By Rikimae on 09/29/2006 at 12:40:15
I ruined Stephen Colbert's coffee
Entertaining and enlightening--really puts the world into perspective. I'd take him home.
By romano on 09/29/2006 at 9:16:47
I ruined Stephen Colbert's coffee
I laughed, I cried (not really, it was just dusty in the room) We want more Bartlett!!!
By fossman on 09/29/2006 at 11:46:39
I ruined Stephen Colbert's coffee
This feature is really good and shows a lot of talent. Keep up the good work, I look forward to reading more of your stuff!
By mwatt on 09/29/2006 at 4:04:24
I ruined Stephen Colbert's coffee
You're article is amazing, It's exactly what I remember of the summer. (minus the swearing during the third "short" trip to Video Cafe) And I'm honored that you'd include my mailbox in Harlem story. You managed to describe the priviledge, trial and joy it was to have experienced working for Colbert. From the tears of almost getting run over by a taxi on my fifth run to downtown to the joy of playing "interview" with Puneet in the studio.
By Sam (the girl) on 10/01/2006 at 4:09:35
I ruined Stephen Colbert's coffee
love the article sean...and i do remember that night, as i was one of the people who called you at 3am to make sure you know stephen colbert was mentioning you on television. it was a very special moment in my life as well :)
By smoothoperator... on 10/01/2006 at 6:25:43
I ruined Stephen Colbert's coffee
reading this makes me happy. there. i said it. write more.
By wolframwonder on 10/02/2006 at 5:15:30
I ruined Stephen Colbert's coffee
From the freep, to the phoenix... I can't wait till I read your stuff in Rolling Stone. Make sure you keep me updated on more of your work, it makes me feel at home.
By aryn on 10/03/2006 at 10:13:27
I ruined Stephen Colbert's coffee
Yes, I second Laura_k's request. Please tell us more about the process. How did you get that position at the CR? How many nobleman's lives did you have to save? What was the exact number of right arms you had to give up? Please, a hint, a dusty map, ANYTHING!
By showcase_showdown on 10/06/2006 at 10:53:57
I ruined Stephen Colbert's coffee
My dream is to be an intern on the Colbert Report.... any advice as to how?
By Nik on 01/28/2008 at 2:12:36
I ruined Stephen Colbert's coffee
You need to be a FT Communications student, interested in broadcasting. Then you look for "Intern" opps at the networks, either through your job bank or on the 'net. The top jobs get snagged early. The station I worked for, RNN, does that, and you would mainly be a go-for, but we do get you a nice tape of your "on air read". ( oh, Sean, great article, too)
By patkeepsie391 on 04/04/2008 at 7:24:39
Re: I ruined Stephen Colbert's coffee
 Wow! I would love an internship like that!I'm actually a Communications Major and I chose to write about TCR for my paper this quarter. So this is all very relevant. Anyways, great article, and excellent writing as well! I can't imagine how it'd be to do an internship with TCR; I'm sure it was an amazing experience! Any tips to get into something like that would be much appreciated! :)
By laurewyn on 11/06/2008 at 2:41:49

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