"Heroes" and "How I Met Your Mother" both stunk last night

It seems like the Heroes writers were so busy packing their premiere with plot that they neglected to consider that they were also making it unwatchable. A character had barely enough time last night to finish his/her lines before we were whisked off to the next character’s scene. Ok that’s an overstatement. But you get my point.

Surely, last season had the same insanely crowded feel to it — so, why oh why is the approach only getting on my nerves just now?

stuff I didn’t like:

Kill the cheerleader already. They keep moving Claire Bear from town to town, but all roads inevitably lead to Dullsville.

While we’re at it, kill the Petrelli mom as well.

No Kristen Bell. Where is the sassy star we were promised?

The show’s insistence that we were experiencing limited commercial interruptions courtesy of Nissan kinda made me feel like burning down a Nissan dealership.

The random trivia question in the middle. Because I didn’t know the answer.

stuff I liked:

Save the cheerleader’s creepy Dad. The scene in which Jack Coleman kicks his boss’s ass killed me last night. Man loves his coffee breaks!

Nathan Petrelli’s beard. Dynamite.

The argument between little Molly Walker and her mind-reading new daddy Matt Parkman as to whether the latter actually cheated on his police exercise by using his powers to ace his scene.

Hiro finding out that his own hero, Takezo Kensei, is a white Brit and a drunk to boot.

Ned Ryerson as Goldenstash

Hmm, although simple mathematics says otherwise, I still say the premiere stunk.

How I Met Your Mother didn’t fare much better last night. In fact, it was so bad that I was embarrassed to be watching it in front of my girlfriend, whom I invited over to watch it for the first time.

stuff I didn’t like:

The huzzah over Ted’s so-called “tramp stamp.” Wow, guy gets drunk, wakes up with a girly tattoo. There’s a new one for you. Let’s all shit our pants over that one.

The casting of gorgeous Mandy Moore as Ted’s one night stand — one of those experiments that sounds like a hoot on paper — turned out to be a major flop.

stuff I liked:

The casting of Enrique Iglesias as Robyn’s new boy toy may have on paper been a terrible idea, but in practice his scenes worked out much better for the show than Moore's did. The scene where he’s feeding Robyn and says with feeling, “taste the food,” raised a rare laugh from me. And the one where the camera moves from friend to friend, all of them visibly smitten with Iglesias’s character, was also funny. Especially when it stopped at the batty-eyed Morgan. I’m still convinced the former freak on Freaks And Geeks, Jason Segal, is the best thing about that show.