With all those huge buses and private jets, the music industry produces plenty of harmful waste — it's no joke that Aerosmith's latest US jaunt is called the "Global Warming Tour." Oh, and there was the time the Dave Matthews bus jettisoned 80 gallons of weaponized human poo over a bridge, right onto the heads of sightseeing boat passengers. But these things are nothing compared to music's most toxic byproduct: press releases. They're like cartoonish glowing barrels of nuclear pop waste illegally dumped into our rivers; it's my duty to fish them out before they start mutating the wildlife.
MUSICDISHTV PRESENTS "F--- THE IRS" BY CUTTING EDGE
This plucky indie statement overshoots the usual lightly promotional faux-journo tone of the press release and instead hits a level of self-praise that borders on autosexual:
"In Cutting Edge's video, 'F--- the IRS,' directed by J. Fassler and highly entertaining, the band creatively uses stock footage of a concert they are not actually performing in to insert scenes of themselves playing and singing their song, which is an '80s-style rock track with synthesizers, great guitar solos, banging percussion, and horn section hits."
No, you didn't misread that: J. Fassler (and implied co-director Highly Entertaining) ingeniously cut between camcorder shots of the band and ripped-off YouTube footage of cheering crowds. But, no, it's really creative:
"The video shows multiple images — all stimulating — including a packed and screaming audience, a variety of animated symbols and still shots, and scenes of Americans working hard only to have large percentages of their salaries given away to the IRS."
Translation: once they run out of crowd shots, the video becomes a blurry Windows Movie Maker montage of stimulating Internet memes, hot babe photos, and lame Google Image Search grabs.
"The concept is captivating and the video and track are both enjoyable, satirical, and moving and grooving. It's a refreshing look at a deeply annoying topic, and most Americans will pat their feet, snap their fingers, bob their heads, and laugh out loud to this video, which was perfectly done."
By the way, the lyrics of the song are literally "eff blank blank blank the IRS." I'm definitely moving, grooving, and patting my feet (?) to this creative video, which was perfectly done.
MULTI-PLATINUM ROCK BAND JET CALL IT QUITS
If you were a big idiot in the early 2000s, you probably patted your feet to Jet, the generic Aussie garage-rock outfit that briefly ruled the airwaves with the tedious "Are You Gonna Be My Girl," the identical "Cold Hard Bitch," and, if you're really digging deep, the tepid Oasis-y ballad "Look What You've Done." Alas, they are no more; they announced their split with a heartfelt press release:
"Jet says, 'After many successful years of writing, recording, and touring we wish to announce our discontinuation as a group. From the many pubs, theatres, stadiums, and festivals all across the world, it was the fans that made our amazing story possible and we wish to thank them all. Thank you, and goodnight.' "
But they're certainly not turning their backs on the fans! With their final press release, they promise a bright artistic future: