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Dance Monkey!: Mehran Khaghani

Hates to be called Mommy Face
By  |  April 10, 2009


It has to be the ultimate destroyer of hard-ons. I'm going with "Mommy's Face."

MICHELLE OBAMA: FASHION DO, FASHION DON'T? Now, I love our First Lady, and she certainly out-styles Barbara Bush (soon to star as a monster in Spike Jonze's Where the Wild Things Are) but Michelle could stand to show a little more knee. She has nice knees. In fact, she has gorgeous knees. Seriously, anything to draw the eye away from her underbite. I keep waiting for her to spit out the dip.

TED STEVENS'S CONVICTION WAS SET ASIDE. I MEAN, SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK? Whatever. He and his wife look like a pair of woodland lesbians. Google them.

MY FAVORITE EUPHEMISM FOR DUDE GENITALIA IS "DANGLY BITS." YOURS? For the testicles, it's "fisherman's friends," a term coined by my friend Clêr who has done far, far too much acid. I myself have one real and one synthetic man-egg, which is why I call my scrotum The Bible (it contains both the Old and the New Testicle). I call my dick King James. With regard to female parts, I'm a big fan of "the lettuce." Like, when a lady pees and has no absorbent tissue handy with which to daub the residual lemonade, she is forced to "shake the lettuce."

WHICH BOSTON COMEDIAN IS MOST LIKELY TO BE A DIRTY, DIRTY BOY? AND WILL YOU GIVE HIM MY PHONE NUMBER? Lord knows I've done some foul shit. And while I can't say that I know how to please a woman, I can say that I know how to go abnormal lengths of time without a wash. (Thank you, Massachusetts Division of Unemployment!) That qualifies as dirty, right? Here. You call me, sunshine: 857.277.0032.

MEHRAN | April 19 @ 8 pm | The Comedy Studio, Cambridge | 617.661.6507 or

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  Topics: Comedy , Celebrity News, Entertainment, Culture and Lifestyle,  More more >
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