Terror campaign

As I was pondering what to go as to the many Halloween parties I haven’t been invited to, it occurred to me -- this is how we can save the democratic system. Instead of another one of those boring, repetetive and frankly embarassing “debates,” why not have the candidates dress up as their favorite movie monster and let the voters pick the scariest? I have some suggestionsto start them off.

1. Rudy Giuliani.

Conventional wisdom says go with The Weekly World News’s Bat Boy. But the WWW has folded -- not a good sign. I’d advise a more traditional image -- Max  Schreck’s Nosferatu. Just don't forget the sunblock

2. Hillary Clinton

The Wicked Witch? The Bride of Frankenstein? How common and obvious. Leave those for such populists as John Edwards and Joe Biden. Take on those who have been making fun of your unsettling titter by dressing up as Conrad Veidt’s The Man Who Laughs.

3. John McCain

Face up to those who question your stability. Don’t wait for the full moon to turn into Lon Chaney’s Wolf Man

4. Mitt Romney

Slick hair, cadaverous face, unctuous eastern charm, shape-shifting style: Bela Lugosi’s Count Dracula.

5. Dennis Kucinich

Lowly in the polls, ignored and held in contempt, still, he craves the Ring of Power: Gollum.

6. Fred Thompson

Impersonate that terrifying former Republican president: Fred Thompson as Ulysses S. Grant in "Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee."