El Mezcalito at Rosa Mexicano
It's a
sad, sad, thing when waves of tourists looking for a night of Boston cuisine, totter out of the Seaport
Hotel, bedecked in pastel pants and wedges, then descend upon the restaurants
directly adjacent to their lodgings. How very adventurous.
While I
do understand the desire for ease, and agree that a bumpy cab ride into an
unfamiliar city always seems a bit risky and exhausting, it was with a heavy
heart that I watched endless variations on the same tanned, blond, bright-eyed
tourist theme walk through the revolving doors of Rosa Mexicano last Friday
night.
The chain
gets rave reviews for its New York
City location, and even Zagat has called it "the ‘gold
standard' in ‘upscale' modern Mexican cuisine." Who the hell am I to argue with
Zagat, right? But the Seaport location, which opened last month, is getting
absolutely no love from Boston Yelpers.
Part of
the problem may be that the location is ill-suited to the chain's aesthetic--a clubby,
den-like riff on luxury dining--and in a neighborhood frequented by
less-than-discerning tourists looking for a glamorous night out, service and
quality are thrown under the bus for glitz and show. The room felt wrong,
tense. The chairs have no arms, which shouldn't be a noticeable loss, but was,
for some reason.
I want to
preface this review by saying that, as a food writer, I try extremely hard to
like a place before I pass any judgment, as tempting as taking every word on
Yelp as gospel is. I'm not sure who this "innocent until proven guilty" credo
really benefits, but out of deference to the service industry family, it's
always been my default setting. I have been that server who gets flat-sat, just
as the computer goes down. I've let loose a long stream of profanities after a
dismal tip. I love chefs, and I love the crazy love and dedication that is often
necessary to keep a place afloat. I am literally the exact person you want
sitting at your table if you're having a bad night, because I will probably
forgive you.
Unless,
of course, I just can't.
I will
say this: the cocktails were good. Yes, they were a bit low
on alcohol (we were all fully-functioning well past the third cocktail,
unfortunately), but the options were pretty admirable. It's a solid tequila
list, and the "Sandia" ($11), a mix of fresh watermelon, El Jimador silver
tequila, rosemary, and fresh lemon was the best of the mixed cocktails we
tried. The "Mezcalito" ($11) wasn't half bad either--strawberry, Tanteo
Jalapeño-infused silver tequila, Del Maguey-Vida mezcal, fresh lemon, and
organic agave struck that nice smoky-sweet balance.
Our
server was quick to throw out the Rosa Mexicano golden child--Guacamole en
Molcajete ($14 for 2-3 people, $22 for 4-6)--as a must-try, which is basically
the Mexican food incarnation of the cheesy tableside Caesar salads that were a
luxury mainstay throughout the 90s. I'm not sure there's a guacamole on this
earth that is worth $22. If there is, fuck that, I can make you a fantastic one
for under $10. What we had was definitely not it. While the presentation is
charming (and I know there were other ingredients besides avocado, since I
witnessed them with my own eyes!), the end result was a bland shadow of true
guacamole. Where was the zip? The poetry? No cool touch of herbs or fiery
peppers woven through the creamy avocado, no bright citrus notes in the
background. Even a touch of salt would have helped.
20
minutes after the guacamole hits the table, our other two appetizers show up: "Flautas
de Pollo" ($10), rolled crispy chicken tacos coated with salsa pasilla de
Oaxaca on one half, and salsa verde on
the other, and "Tacos de Hamachi" ($13.50), three miniscule tacos filled with
raw diced yellowtail, bacon, serrano chile, arugula and truffle oil. The
truffle oil struck me as strange choice, and I watched my dining companion's
face closely. A lover of raw fish in its many forms, her nose wrinkled after
one bite.
"It's
kind of...fishy. In a bad way," she says, sniffing the rest of the taco in her
hand dubiously. The tacos had a gray, withered look on the plate, and no one
touched them the rest of the evening. They remained at the table, wilting,
since no one bothered to come by and check on the progress. The flautas were
drenched--with a distinct heat-lamp look to them--in the Oaxacan salsa that
seemed to be in every item on the menu. Chipotle is a very sexy thing, and
when used correctly, can transform a dish into something smoky and sensual. It can
also be overwhelming and tired, and it was all we tasted from plate to plate.
By this
time, around 7pm, the place is getting pretty busy, and we've noticed the long
absences of our server. After the pink, plastic lid of the tortilla container
at the table next to ours hits the ground for the third time, and a plate
crashes down somewhere nearby, all three of us are mildly stressed.
The
manager swings by out of nowhere, interrupting our conversation, and begins to
awkwardly plug restaurant promotions and menu items. There are strained
silences and we all burn holes in our menus, unsure of what she wants to hear.
Feeling pressured, we order two taco plates.
Priced
outrageously at $16.50 for three mini-tacos, we go for the "Pollo Yucateco," a
blend of spiced chicken, plantains, sweet peppers, and chili de árbol crema. I
order them because I'm a sucker for plantains, but, they arrive, and damn it,
there's the hint of chipotle again, and I can't taste a lick of plantain. The
"Pescado de Baja" sounds like a classic take on a crispy fish taco, with a jalapeño
tartar sauce. Against my will, the first thing that pops into my head after I
take a bite is "Van de Kamps." The jalapeño tartar sauce seems more like a
slaw, and is good, but reminds me so much of malt vinegar that I can't get past
it.
My other tablemate
places an order for a cocktail when we put in the tacos, and by the time we've
worked through the plates, it's still nowhere to be seen. We try to wrangle our
server for around 10 minutes, while she remains just out of reach. He finally
ask her what happened to the drink.
"You
didn't get it?" she asks, her voice going up a few octaves. My ears perk up. My
serving voice did that sometimes, whenever my brain had just slammed on the
brakes and just realized, with a loud and screeching, "OH SHIT," that I had
forgotten to punch something in. "That's so weird, because the ticket was
definitely stabbed at the bar."
The three
of us stare at her. Clearly, the drink is not, and has not been, here. I see
that she's now just thinking aloud, but she's still standing there, blinking at
us. My companion gestures to the table, and assures her that no, it hasn't
shown up. She apologizes and books it to the bar, out of sight. She returns
five minutes later to ask him what he ordered.
At this
point, all staff seems to sense that things are not going well at our table,
and we are completely marooned. We sit, sipping on our cocktails and munching
on cold chips, while the empty plates that we've pushed to the edges of the
table and signaled with silverware smoke-signals, crowd around us. Once the
lost cocktail makes an appearance, our server disappears again. One by one, every few
minutes, the plates are cleared away.
When we
manage to lock down some dessert menus, I'm not feeling optimistic. There are
three different kinds of cake, and a flan, plus churros ($7.50), which we settle
on in the end. We all giggle a little, relieved, since churros are standard,
light dessert-fare that are fan-fucking-tastic at literally any state fair in
the entire country. Even when our server swings by and warns us that the pastry
kitchen is a little slammed at the moment, we nod, unfazed. Yes, fried dough
(with chocolate, caramel and raspberry guajillo for dipping) would certainly
do.
They
arrive in a pink paper bag, which the food runner shakes a bit, coating the
bits with cinnamon sugar. They pile onto the plate, and I'm feeling a bit
better as they sit there, glistening and hot from the fryer. We all take one
and break them in half.
They are entirely raw, the steamy
batter dripping onto our fingers.
Way, way,
over-priced check, please.
Latest Slideshows
