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| Epic MovieNo remorse January 31,
 2007 11:31:54 AM 
Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the brain warp behind the Scary Movie franchise and Date Movie, again take their tired and not-so-true formula (lifted from Airplane! and The Naked Gun) and spoof a list of semi-recent theater fillers that include The Da Vinci Code, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, X-Men, and even Borat. It’s hilarious in blips, but overall there’s no glue — it plays out like an overlong Comedy Central skit lurching for the next laugh without any remorse for the gross misfires in between. The Scary Movie series had the indomitable Anna Faris to give it teeth; here her stand-in, Jayma Mays, has to share the screen with three other mains (including Kap Penn of Harold & Kumar fame) as orphans on the run from the “White Bitch” in Narnia. The Pirates of the Caribbean music-video clip, with SNL’s Darrell Hammond doing an uncanny Johnny Depp, is the film’s gem, and, keeping with dead-on Depp knockoffs, Crispin Glover is Michael Jackson creepy as Willy Wonka.
|   EPIC MOVIE: The White Bitch
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							 Oral is the new second base, the “mostly” girls keep on kissing girls, and the Bro Job has arrived (but is still not ready for its close-up)
  Amid the latest cutbacks, dejection reigns at the Globe
  And rock your face off
  27 things that drive us crazy about the city we love
  Never mind its tough-girl alt-porn feminism: SuicideGirls has already moved on to a new generation
  The events as they've happened
 
				
					
					
							 27 things that drive us crazy about the city we love
  As the ProJo Turns
  As the ProJo turns
  And rock your face off
  Amid the latest cutbacks, dejection reigns at the Globe
  Paolo Nutini soars across the pond
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												You'll howl 
												Running on fumes 
												Around the world 
												 West Side Story with a new dance 
												Action more tired than tense 
												A devastating and uplifting documentary 
												Coulda-been enchantment 
												Still dirty 
												Not another ho-hum remake
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 | Peacocks, prognostication, potatoesDo I have to wear a nurse's outfit?A semi-precious gemYou'll howlAn inept messEmotions over proceduresBjork, jelly, and JapaneseSimple, well-acted, ever-so-slightly flawedRunning on fumes
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