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A child shall lead them

Balls, Pucks, and Monster Trucks
There's good news from Sanford: my hometown is experiencing a surfeit of leadership, and it's manifesting itself in a couple of areas.
By RICK WORMWOOD  |  October 07, 2009
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Catch a falling star

Willie Williams and Charles Rogers prove that "can't miss" prospects sometimes do
There was a time, not long ago, when two things were true. The first was that the University of Miami was a perennial college-football powerhouse. The second was that Willie Williams was going to be the next big thing among college-football linebackers.
By MATT TAIBBI  |  September 23, 2009
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Are you ready for some Footballz?

Ha-Ha Huddle Dept.
These days, thanks to Internet-related information overload, football fans are more educated than ever. So why, exactly, do we need idiotic TV commentators telling us what we already know about how talented Drew Brees and Adrian Peterson are, or that the game all comes down to turnovers?
By RYAN STEWART  |  September 17, 2009
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Lightning dolt

Did Shawne Merriman take his shot at love?
Outstanding story out of San Diego last week, where terrifyingly stone-headed Chargers linebacker Shawne "Lights Out" Merriman was detained by police after similarly dumb-as-crap semi-famous bisexual reality-show skank Tila Tequila accused him of choking and restraining her in his apartment after an argument.
By MATT TAIBBI  |  September 16, 2009
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America's scam

Eugene Lockhart funds his own buyout. Plus, why do pro athletes hate cabbies?
What a year for former New England Patriots and the criminal-justice system!
By MATT TAIBBI  |  September 09, 2009

Junction Trattoria and Bistro

Peerless pizza and much more
On a recent rainy Friday evening, we were calling around for a place to eat dinner. One restaurant had no reservations till 9 pm (it's still tourist season); another was farther away than we'd realized, and we might end up eating at that same hour.
By JOHNETTE RODRIGUEZ  |  September 09, 2009

Onward, Christian governor!

Carcieri gets "loose"; plus, farewell to Tedy, and mind-boggling Bush
It's nice to see Governor Don "Laughing Boy" Carcieri loosening up by sharing the real Donnie Boy with the people of Vo Dilun. Initially (certainly in his first campaign for governor in 2002) Don tried to come across as a moderate conservative, not unlike his immediate predecessor, Linc Almond.
By PHILLIPE & JORGE  |  September 02, 2009
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Fall guys

As summer winds down, sports crime picks back up
No shortage of sports-crime activity this week — in fact, it's been an extremely busy time, so much so that it's worth a bullet-point to get to some of the developments in brief.
By MATT TAIBBI  |  September 02, 2009

Crossword: ''From A to B''

It's a short trip
It's a short trip
By MATT JONES  |  August 19, 2009
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Going streaking

Snapping out of the annual NFL training-camp lull. Plus, Plaxico Burress gets his.
It has been an unusually quiet week or so in sports crime, which is perhaps not unexpected, since this is the one time of year when the most arrest-prone class of athletes in America — NFL players — are sequestered in training camps and usually too dog-tired from two-a-days and running suicides to bother to punch out bar skanks or kick in police cruiser windows.
By MATT TAIBBI  |  August 12, 2009
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Stopping Traffic

The Fighting Sioux clean out the garage. Plus, quincy carter continues his slide.
North Dakota might not be the first place you think of when it comes to sports crime, but if the players up there maintain their recent pace, we might soon be listing the University of North Dakota Fighting Sioux alongside such infamous programs as the University of Miami Hurricanes and the Florida State University Seminoles.
By MATT TAIBBI  |  August 05, 2009
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Blue Hawaiian

Timmy Chang gets flagged for intentional grounding. Plus, a stabbing story and Bruce Smith's bad knees.
Remember Timmy Chang? You do if you're a college-football junkie — he was the quarterback for June Jones's University of Hawaii team, and ended his career as the NCAA's all-time leading passer.
By MATT TAIBBI  |  July 15, 2009
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Getting the boot

The Seminoles do it again. Plus, will the real Vontae Davis please stand up?
Last month, we announced the triumphant return of the Florida State football program to the summit of the sports-crime world.
By MATT TAIBBI  |  July 01, 2009
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Blowin' in the wind

Ryan Leaf returns from exile. Plus, Missy Giove goes downhill fast, and Donte Stallworth gets sentenced.
There's going to be a lot of snickering and chortling this week after former-top-NFL-prospect-turned-galactic-draft-bust Ryan Leaf got arrested on drug and burglary charges.
By MATT TAIBBI  |  June 24, 2009
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Scammer solstice

Football meets fraud in Georgia. Plus, Wazzu wackiness, and Tim Donaghy gets busted up.
It's summertime, and the scammin' is easy. What else can explain the recent appearance of a former NFL player in court to face 22 counts of . . . wait for it . . . mortgage fraud!
By MATT TAIBBI  |  June 17, 2009
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Taser bait

A Florida Gator gets chomped. Plus, Memphis, the NCAA, and hypocrisy.
The clock keeps ticking down toward the inevitable first Tasered-athlete fatality. The fact that it hasn't happened yet is just a statistical anomaly, because two things continue to occur with regularity: major-college and pro jocks keep getting Tasered in late-night incidents, while an unluckier group of ordinary non-jocks keep dying from police Taserings.
By MATT TAIBBI  |  June 10, 2009
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Return of the Criminoles

Florida State's wide-receiving corps goes deep. Plus, a Miami big man and his even bigger truck.
Nothing warms the heart like the return of the Florida State football team to national criminal prominence.
By MATT TAIBBI  |  June 03, 2009
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Patriots daze

The ugly legacy of the late-'80s Pats gets even uglier
Ever heard of Eric Naposki? Probably not. He played linebacker for the Patriots in the late 1980s.
By MATT TAIBBI  |  May 27, 2009
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Immaculate reception

The New England Patriots played host to a very different out-of-towner last week, as the Dalai Lama made a most incongruous visit to Gillette Stadium
Two Saturdays ago, His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama sat cross-legged on the 50-yard line and gently intoned that "the path to happiness in the individual and with society is through inner peace."
By MIKE MILIARD  |  May 13, 2009
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Whiz kids

Two Saints get caught sinning. Plus, swirling down the post-NFL drug-addiction drain.
The Sports Genius of the Week Award is actually going to be shared by a pair of now-former New Orleans Saints fringe-roster players, wide receiver Biren Ealy and tight end Kolomona Kapanui.
By MATT TAIBBI  |  May 13, 2009
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The dirty south

Florida footballers called for very personal fouls
Normally, this is the time of year when a lot of pro football players get arrested — the weeks after the draft and before training camp, when new rookies get their first checks and end up blowing them at fancy nightclubs on eight-balls and escorts before driving home with bellies full of Courvoisier.
By MATT TAIBBI  |  May 06, 2009
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Cocaine blues

Jags great Jimmy Smith done in by illegal tint and an imaginary friend. Plus, the Nevada Wolf Pack goes down shooting.
Wow. That's all I can say after seeing the mug shot of former Jacksonville Jaguars star wide receiver Jimmy Smith, busted last week on pot and crack charges.
By MATT TAIBBI  |  April 29, 2009
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Shuffling off to infamy

Buffalo doesn't have a counterfeiting problem — but it does need to curb its bad Bills
Tasering Donte . Sounds like a movie title, doesn't it?
By MATT TAIBBI  |  April 22, 2009
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Just like old times

Two sports-crime all stars get busted again. Plus, another Bengal drops the ball.
Well, it's been a few months, so it's about time to check in on our old pal Todd Marinovich.
By MATT TAIBBI  |  April 15, 2009
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NFL follies

Pro football gets tossed around. Plus, Kirk Snyder goes to the dentist.
Not only was Donte Stallworth officially charged with DUI manslaughter, but another former AFC East star, former Buffalo Bill running back Travis Henry, reached a plea agreement on drug charges.
By MATT TAIBBI  |  April 08, 2009
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Blue Balls

The word on the street is that sports are recession-proof — think again
It's one of the great myths of modern American life that, no matter what travesties befall us, sports will carry on unfazed.
By STEVEN STARK  |  April 15, 2009
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Strange tales

Deportation and baby-napping collide in Florida. Plus, a badger double DUI shakes up the Justin Miller Award standings.
Freaky. That's really the only word to describe the story of Amalia Tabata Pereira — the wife of top Pittsburgh Pirates prospect (and former Yankee farmhand) Jose Tabata.
By MATT TAIBBI  |  April 01, 2009

1. Rush Limbaugh

JABBA THE NUT
America’s ugliest moment of 2009? Rush Limbaugh, his man-boobs a-jiggle, bouncing at the CPAC podium to bask in the sickly glow of conservatism’s orgy of greed, avarice, and arrogance. Here, at last, was the shining image of the 21st century Republican Party: a leeringly rich Baby Boomer squatting at the top of the mountain, reaping his jollies from the suffering of those at the bottom, praying for the failure of hope. If this hypocritical and morally repugnant reformed Oxy junkie wants to discuss “failure,” maybe we should talk about his career as an NFL commentator — or the last time he detoxed off prescription smack.
By Boston Phoenix Staff  |  March 25, 2009

16. Plaxico Burress

MENTAL-MIDGET GIANT
How does a man who catches things for a living lose control of a loaded Glock? Ever the overachiever, New York Giants wide receiver Burress was unsatisfied with the mere unsexiness of wearing sweatpants to a nightclub, and compounded the embarrassing phallic clichés about men and their guns by having the pistol in his pants pop a little early. While no Ron Mexico, Burress remains a limping monument to near-fatal stupidity.
By Boston Phoenix Staff  |  March 25, 2009
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Sports blotter: Donte's inferno

Ex-Patriot Stallworth makes the mistake of his life. Plus, if the judge won't do it, Roger Goodell will.
Let's just say this right at the outset: Donte Stallworth always seemed like a good dude.
By MATT TAIBBI  |  March 25, 2009

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