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The Big Hurt: Snoop PO'd

Plus Biebs trades up, Liam tracklists, willcanthear, Hucknall busy, anagrams and headlines
By DAVID THORPE  |  December 14, 2010


Last week, I reported extensively (ahem, Pulitzer judges) on the bizarre mural of JUSTIN BIEBER found within the favela manse of a Brazilian druglord. However, as I dug deeper into the story this week, I discovered an incredible new twist: the letters in "Justin Bieber" can be rearranged to spell "urine jet bibs."

Also in Biebwatch, Phoenix Arts Editor Jon Garelick has set up an email filter that automatically forwards any Bieber-related press releases to me, and we've got a great one this week: sports collectibles company Panini America is about to unveil a line of Justin Bieber trading cards!

And not just any old cards. This edition is ultra goddamn boss: "To fuel the collectability of the set, four nine-card puzzles can be arranged to create mini Justin Bieber posters. Special card sets are also available that include 12 Spellbound cards, 18 Download cards, and 10 XXOO cards." Yes!

Let's get a promo quote, Biebs! And while you're at it, remind everyone you're Canadian exactly three times! You ready? Go! "I always dreamed of being a hockey player and having my own trading card. I remember collecting hockey cards, so the idea that kids are going to enjoy my cards like I enjoyed my hockey cards is amazing!"

I'm glad I checked my spam folder this week, because it contained a delightful surprise: a message from LIAM GALLAGHER's new band, Beady Eye! I'm not sure why Gmail labeled it as junk — an editorial comment, perhaps — but Liam was dropping me a line to announce the tracklist of his upcoming album. Unfortunately, the list was simply an unformatted block of text with no punctuation or line breaks:

"Four Letter Word Millionaire The Roller Beatles And Stones Wind Up Dream Bring The Light For Anyone Kill For A Dream Standing On The Edge Of The Noise Wigwam Three Ring Circus The Beat Goes On The Morning Son"

I guess I just have to guess where one title ends and the next begins — I can't wait to hear "The Roller Beatles" and "The Noise Wigwam."

WILL.I.AM has announced that he's suffering from tinnitus, which is a disorder characterized by a constant, irritating sound in his ears. Thanks for the softball, Will, but I don't need your goddamn charity. Pitch that shit to Leno.

The UK's Guardian issued what must be the most unfortunate correction in newspaper history last week: "Owing to an editing error, we said that Simply Red singer MICK HUCKNALL slept with more than 1000 women in a three-year period during the mid '80s. That was meant to be more than 1000 a year, based on his estimate of an average of three such encounters a day, as stated elsewhere in our stories." Yes: a newspaper stated that Mick Hucknall slept with a thousand women, then had to print a clarification because it was a gigantic understatement.

In an interview with TMZ, SNOOP DOGG had some angry words for the officer who'd arrested Willie Nelson for weed possession: "You dumb motherfucker, you stupid motherfucker. If you got a problem with Willie Nelson, you got a problem with me." I didn't know the two were friends, though it makes a lot of sense when you think about it: both have braids and both love the reefer. It's touching that they could put their hood beef aside — Snoop is a former Crip, whereas Willie's red bandannas are a clear sign of Bloods affiliation.

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Related: The Big Hurt: Hack Is Wack (is wack), Billboard's Rap Songs chart, The Big Hurt: Lambert works it, 50 blows it, Moz ends it, More more >
  Topics: Music Features , Snoop Dogg, Snoop Dogg, Willie Nelson,  More more >
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  •   THE BIG HURT: SNOOP PO'D  |  December 14, 2010
    Last week, I reported extensively ( ahem , Pulitzer judges) on the bizarre mural of JUSTIN BIEBER found within the favela manse of a Brazilian druglord. However, as I dug deeper into the story this week, I discovered an incredible new twist: the letters in "Justin Bieber" can be rearranged to spell "urine jet bibs."
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    When two thousand Brazilian cops mounted a massive assault on some of Rio's most dangerous slums, they made a chilling discovery.
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    Guys! You guys! Holy shit, guys: NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK and the BACKSTREET BOYS are teaming up for a headlining tour in 2011.
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    As a child of the '90s, I sure find it heartwarming to see a classic feud of my youth re-form for a big festival appearance.
  •   THE BIG HURT: PRETENDER TO THE THRONE?  |  November 16, 2010
    On December 14 — just in time for the holidays, if you hadn't noticed — Sony will release Michael , a posthumous collection of unreleased songs from the King of Pop's later years.

 See all articles by: DAVID THORPE

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