Weird science

Could be verse: poetry ripped straight from the headlines
By JAMES PARKER  |  June 27, 2007

VIDEO: Parker reads "Weird Science"

Lines in Anticipation of the Final Installment of the Harry Potter Series, After Reading About the “Fringe Research” Being Conducted by the Pentagon.

When post-pubescent sorcerers add bong hits to their spells,
And brain-implanted dogfish steer themselves by phantom smells,
When Hagrid is seen near the Hancock Tower, and Snape in the Arsenal Mall —
I’ll tell you what happens to Voldemort, and Hermione, and all.

When cosmic amnesty’s declared on dusty Air Force bases,
And little people wander out with empty Roswell faces,
When the mandrake’s scream is a dwarf’s wet dream, and the dragon turns on his smoke machine,
And the witch in the ditch makes your testicles itch while the Fairy Queen reads a magazine,
When the gay bomb lands and we all hold hands and sing till we are one —
I’ll tell you what happens to Harry, and Hermione, and Ron.

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