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8/2/2006 4:57:01 PM
They waited to sleep together for weeks after becoming a couple — “When you’re in your early twenties, that’s like a year” — and when they finally did, Mary remembers, “This is going to sound totally dumb, but it was this cosmic thing where we were both just like, ‘Yo!’ ”
Mary moved in with Jonathan a few months later. Now they share a Somerville apartment, collaborate on performance projects together, and speak about marriage in definitive terms. “Over the length of our relationship, the frequency [of sex] has gone down,” admits Jonathan, pulling a chair up to the table. “It’s hard to say how much that has to do with being in a relationship, because we’ve both become exponentially busier as our relationship has progressed.... On vacation, it’ll be seven times in two days.”
Mary adds, “If I’m like, ‘I need to go take care of myself because you’re busy,’ he’s like, ‘Have fun.’ Most of the time he’ll come join me, anyway. It’s cool, though, because I’ve been with guys who are jealous of the vibrator.” She recalls, “One time I had this operation, I had to get my cervix worked on, so I couldn’t have anything happen for 14 days. After the 14 days were over, he took me to a hotel room and was like, ‘I will give you 14 orgasms.’ And he did it!”
“I did nine until she tapped out,” Jonathan interjects, grinning. “And the next morning, I did the [remaining] five. I had her get a little note pad and tally them.”
They’re about to celebrate their fifth anniversary. And things are as good as ever. “We might argue over the dishes,” Mary says. “But then we fuck on the stove.”
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On the Web
Read the results of our sex survey!:
www.thephoenix.com/sexsurvey
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- SEX (CIRCA 2006) Oral is the new second base, the “mostly” girls keep on kissing girls, and the Bro Job has arrived (but is still not ready for its close-up)
- WHAT NOW? Republican defeats are just the first step in turning the nation around. Plus, the constitutional imperative of gay marriage.
- THE NAKED SORORITY Never mind its tough-girl alt-porn feminism: SuicideGirls has already moved on to a new generation
- WHATEVER HAPPENED TO MEMOGATE? Waiting for the Globe’s mea culpa
- COP OR DRUG DEALER? Roberto Pulido’s story shows how easily the divide between law-keepers and law-breakers can break down — if nobody is paying attention
- HARMONIC INSURGENTS The graphic intensity of Converge
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| I just can't believe that sex in our society has become so impersonal. If this is really the current state of sex amongst 18-34 year old singles, the atmosphere is ripe for STDs to spread. The real problem is the uncoolness of not having sex, as if you're denying yourself something that's your right. Sex with the right person is worth waiting for.
POSTED BY Veector AT 05/31/06 9:00 AM |
| I disagree that sex has become impersonal. I think it's a good thing that today's youth are less sexually repressed than generations from before. Just because they seem more vocal doesn't mean that they are ripe for disease or otherwise sex-crazed whores. Sex is a good thing and I'm happy that society has seemed to outgrown the 'sex is dirty' mindset.
POSTED BY projconn AT 06/12/06 7:11 PM |
| One cannot say sex has or has not become impersonal; everyone treats it differently. As long as people are enjoying themselves in safe ways (not harming themselves or others), their sexual preferences and practices are natural and their own business. Granted, not everyone is safe, and that is unfortunate. But someone who fools around with twenty people in one month could be using protection while another person who has 1 partner in/for six months may not. These kinds of generalizations, assumptions, and judgemental mentalities (positive +/or negative) are unnecessary, unfair, and couldn't possibly be accurate for everyone in an entire group of people.
POSTED BY boston23 AT 06/21/06 2:50 PM |
| But that's my point, if people continue to behave in a medically risky and unsafe way, it's everyone's business, because eventually, society pays the price. Also, the attitude shift of people towards sex and how young girls and guys are anxious to lose their virginity makes sex less meaningful. Doesn't that deserve some kind of commentary? And towards the point that someone using protection is more safe than someone else, that used to be the case when just transfer of seminal fluid was enough to get you an STD, now herpes and other STDs can be spread with even just oral-to-genital contact. Celebrating or encouraging the freeness of a non-monogamous lifestyle is detrimental on so many levels.
POSTED BY Veector AT 06/26/06 10:01 AM |
| This all has to do with a serious lack of education about sex and it's consequences. Monogamy is not for everyone and boxing people in is just as detrimental to the human condition. Promoting abstinence, which is the preferred means of birth control for our conservative administration, is ineffective. The fact that today's youth learn sexual ideas and behavior from TV is serious cause for alarm as well as the administration's blatant disregard for research in favor of subjective morality. And that's not opinion, that's research.
POSTED BY projconn AT 06/28/06 9:02 PM |
| Well said.
POSTED BY boston23 AT 06/29/06 12:45 AM |
| Well said.
POSTED BY boston23 AT 06/29/06 12:45 AM |
| "Monogamy is not for everyone" Are you kidding? I'm not trying to promote abstinence. I'm just saying that young girls and boys, when they're ready to have sex, do it in a safe way and stick with their partner for long periods of time. I don't believe in having sex just for fun.
POSTED BY Veector AT 06/29/06 11:37 AM |
| Lack of education my ass.
I apologize if "inappropriate" language is discouraged here; there was no ToS at registration to throw that in my face, so I'll be loose tounged for now.
Let me know if it is, please.
Now for my say; as a literate, non-judgemental, introvertive and "libido-less" fifteen year-old, I feel it neccesary to mention something.
There is education.
Fact is--when it's being taught to you in eighth grade when half the kids in the class have already "done it" , "bare back" or "under cover", by an over-weight, extremely humourful woman who, though very nice, looks like she hasn't been laid or plans to for years...Who do you think is going to listen?
The education is there, it's simply unheeded. The more you try to push today's teenagers, the more they're going to turn their backs on you; they'll feel that, rather than taking them seriously and treating them like adults--which in a way, you actually are--you're trying to shelter them.
Because honestly...when you were that age, wouldn't you rather listen to jimmy with the sweet talk and the killer smile than your old man?
But you're right. Sex has gotten alot more like a trend or "the thing to do" than something meaningful or sacred.
I pity those who don't care about it, or use it as a tool--but honestly? It's their business, and not anyone elses.
Sure, you can blame the AID's epidemic on nonmonagomous teens and careless adults, but you have to think about it.
Even the most careful people can catch it--it's that one time that makes the difference.
And Veector--the world is moving into an odd generation that promotes oddities as much as it promotes straight-edge. The world is trying to become more "out of the box" and "free-thinking", and the fact that people with mindsets like yours exist is one of the reasons it is trying so hard.
It's the age-old cycle of one generation trying to differentiate, become its own self.
Sex has become a game. Sexuality has become fluid--as said in the article, I believe--and the lines and drawers and boxes or whatever you care to define the differences as, are becoming more and more blurred as time goes on.
But not all teens or adults are sex-crazed fiends.
It's true that the majority experiments alot more, but like I said; the lines are being blurred.
And so what?
If it leads to everyone really finding out who they are and feeling more comfortable about it, great.
Less gay teen suicides.
So, I believe this is a good thing, this...evolution.
I do wish that people would be more careful, yes. But when there is the availability to protect and still have "fun", why try to hamper people in and say "monogamy only"?
Hopefully, like an experimental "tween" or "teen" or even college student, this generation will discover itself, define itself, and start being more "mature" in its decisions.
That's all I've got to say, but I hope you listened instead of just ruling me off as "just another teen".
There are those of us that think before we act.
POSTED BY [-Scorpio-] AT 06/30/06 3:49 AM |
| Also, I apologize for that humongous chunk of text.
This is my first time using the site, so I didn't realise it didn't recognize paragraphs.
POSTED BY [-Scorpio-] AT 06/30/06 3:51 AM |
| I understand your points. I can see that change is always in the wind from one generation to the next, but change is not always a good thing. When you talk about vast changes in culture, these are the types of things that can eventually lead to the disintegration of a society. I'm not just talking about sex, it's about a lot of things, but sex is one of those things. I agree that what everyone does is their own business and I'm not suggesting that there should be legislation to stop anyone from doing anything sexually in their own private lives. I'm just commenting that I feel that this kind of behavior is too risky. It doesn't matter how protected you feel, when culture relaxes and lets dangerous behavior become socially acceptable, the family suffers, society suffers. I don't see it as an out-of-the-box version of thinking vs conservativism. I see it as a "why don't we promote safe behavior" vs "glorifying our freely sexual culture because it feels good". I think that's a very irresponsible type of line to take.
POSTED BY Veector AT 07/10/06 9:38 AM |
| I'm glad that the people interviewed were able to come to terms with their sexuality, and that they were able to find other people who were willing to help affirm them in this way. In my case, I could not find anyone to so affirm me when I decided at the age of 33 that it was time to get the job of handing off my virginity done - despite the fact that no one had ever offered. To avoid the looming risk of suicide because of the self-perception of not being desirable to anyone, I went to a licensed brothel in Nevada. Looking back, and based on additional information and research since then, I would urge anyone else trapped in the unfotunate situation I was in, I would suggest that they instead see a surrogate. Surrogates always work together with a psychotherapist, which would have been a lot more beneficial to me than the (at first) disbelieving licensed prostitute I hired. She eventually did believe my situation of being a late-blooming virgin, but again, it would have been nice to have been affirmed from the start.
POSTED BY GentlemanBear AT 07/25/06 7:18 PM |
| I'm surprised you didn't mention about sagging. We've really lowered way down to our butts now at the back and pubes at the front
POSTED BY razor AT 08/04/06 8:19 PM |
| This is a test.
<p>This is only a test</p>
<p>If this were a real emergency, you would have been instructed to return to your nearest balm shelter. End of massage.
POSTED BY TwoFourFixate AT 08/26/06 5:30 PM |
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