Never mind that probably two-thirds of Biggest Little residents don’t even know that primary elections are being held on September 9 — or, if they do, they aren’t planning on disturbing their binge-watching of Real Housewives of Central Falls to actually vote. Your superior correspondents still have the responsibility to give our unrequested thoughts on the political races, as informed by the Magic 8-Ball and dreams disturbed by two or t’ree Pernod and grapefruits before bedtime.
We simply don’t know what to make of the gubernatorial primary. While P&J like Clay Pell, Angel Taveras, and Gina Raimondo personally — they’re all smart and charming, and Angel was all pumped up when we saw him recently — questions remain about each. You have Angel bailing out on La Prov so soon without really being able to make any major progress as mayor, seemingly to continue his Head Start-to-Harvard-to-Halitosis Hall dream. Meanwhile, the distrust among commoners of Our Gina’s Wall Street financial connections runs deep and wide. And Clay Pell remains a cipher, though in our travels we’ve heard an undercurrent of, “What the hell? How bad can he be?” and “He’s too rich to steal.”
(Note: While Raimondo’s Narragansett Beer-inspired ad was undoubtedly the most appealing TV commercial of the lot, big points were deducted for the pesky little fact that it was totally misleading — read: bullshit — about her job creation in Rhode Island. Most Narragansett Beer jobs were actually created out of state. Hi, neighbor!)
Oh yes, there is also a Republican gubernatorial primary with Allan Fung facing off against Ken Block. But if you like the odds for either of them taking the gov’s seat at the State House come 2015, it comes in a package bet on the Cleveland Browns and “Johnny Football” making the Super Bowl.
Meanwhile, the mayoral race in Our Little Towne is coming down to Dems Michael Solomon and Jorge Elorza essentially fighting for the right to run against the Bud-I and the GOP’s Daniel Harrop, a political ménage a trois that Buddy welcomes as much as a lot of guys would welcome a three-way in the usual sense of the phrase.
In other statewide tilts, P&J see a lot of folks we like; unfortunately, in some cases, they’re running against each other. Guillaume deRamel (yeah, we can spell it, Billy) and Nellie Gorbea in the secretary of state’s race, Frank Ferri in the lieutenant gov’s race, and Seth Magaziner in the race for general treasurer all have legitimate chances to stay in the hunt. On the GOP side for looey governor, Catherine Taylor will be waiting as a formidable opponent for whomever emerges from the Democratic primary.
P&J would also like to offer our thanks, along with the Screaming Lord Sutch Monster Raving Loony Party award, to husband and wife team Christopher Young and Kara Russo Young, who are running for Prov mayor and lieutenant governor, respectively. As has become tradition, these two free us from the surly bonds of Earth every time they open their mouths, although we’re a bit disappointed Chris couldn’t upend a table during a debate. That’s what happens when the years get to you, we suspect.