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Welcome baq!

Waist deep in the big muddle; futbol fever; a local hit parade
By PHILLIPE AND JORGE  |  June 25, 2014

Phillipe and Jorge spent the weekend lolling around Casa Diablo in our Iraqi Army fatigues. They were a gift sent by a friend in Baghdad, who explained that the local Salvation Militia had received the uniforms, generously donated by courageous Iraqi soldiers who decided they would no longer have any use for them.

Yes, the Stars ’n’ Bars are back in Iraq, in our self-styled role as guardian of the country, trying to change their government once again, for which we are sure the citizens must be grateful, since we obviously know how to run their country better than they do. Just stand back and watch, Abdul! (And ignore those thousands of dead American soldiers behind the screen.)

As of last week, we know that we’ll be sending 300 members of elite US forces, who should really just be considered ambassadors with submachine guns and killing knives, with the occasional flamethrower thrown in. The Pentagon informs us these highly skilled killing machines are just “advisors,” so you can be sure that they’ll be letting the Iraqi Army brass make all the critical decisions about how to combat an insurgency by various militias while the local gendarmes desert the cause.

The ostensible reason is that we’re doing all of this for stability in the Mideast, ignoring the fact that the Mideast has all the potential for stability as Lindsay Lohan. Did someone say “oil!”? Please usher that man from the room immediately!

If the US government is so concerned with protecting Iraq, who will we be offering lethal “advice” to next? We already came to Kuwait’s aid when Saddam Hussein’s troops got a bit frisky while President George “The Sane One” Bush was in charge. And you can bet if the insurgents re-take Iraq, they will have the taste for blood and turn a hungry eye to currently secure oil countries like Saudi Arabia (you know, where the 9/11 murderers came from), Dubai, and Qatar, whose rough-and-tough billionaire leaders haven’t worked a day in their lives.

While Barack Obama gets savaged by his critics if he so much as makes a perfunctory bow to a foreign leader, perhaps we should trot out the photo of President George ’‘The Stupid One” Bush strolling hand-in-hand with a Saudi Prince, or Donald Rumsfeld yucking it up with Saddam, to remind folks how much we love those boys sitting on the crude.

This meddling-in-countries-to-serve-corporate-interests is nothing new, mind you. Think back to those wonderful days when the US went into Central America under the flag of “instability” essentially on behalf of United Fruit Company, because some of those pesky hombres running their countries suggested UFC share their gelt from the plundering of bananas with the locals. “No, no, no, no,” said United Fruit under the guise of the US government, and quickly saw to those greedy dictators.

Imagine, them putting their country’s citizens ahead of America’s business interest. The nerve! (And for those of you who haven’t acquired your GED yet, hence the term “banana republics.” Stick with P&J for your educations, kids, and that Rhodes Scholarship is just down the tracks.)

Understatements 101

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