While watching the news the other day the "crawl" at the bottom of the screen said a local policeman was deemed a hero for talking a despondent man off a nearby bridge. I wanted to read about it in the next day's paper — but changed my mind, afraid to find parallels to myself.
Monday, June 15
My wife re-injured her neck recently, which reduced her work hours — slashing her take-home pay drastically. Meanwhile, I'm making sure she's taking her pills and resting while continuing to job-hunt.
Tuesday, August 4
I filled out a Career Profile test at the Maine Career Center recently to help identify a potential career path for me. However, I score abysmally low in both the creative-arts and the construction/equipment fields. This indicates that I'm an equally balanced moron. A male's identity is largely based on his job, trade, vocation, or hobby. But what if none of these apply? I feel useless as both a father and a husband.
Wednesday, September 2
I listened to Tedy Bruschi's retirement speech on TV yesterday. He shared the Patriots' motto with the viewers: Do your job. "I did mine for 13 years," gushed Tedy. So did I, man. So did I.
Saturday, September 12
Recent milestones: our electric company balance is current, we established an affordable payment plan with our oil company, and I've just exhausted my 26 weeks of UE bennies — and now begun a 20-week extension.
My weight gain causes me to snore; my wife relegates me to the living-room couch. While driving home from running errands the other day, I soiled myself. Thankfully, no one was home as I cleaned myself up alone. Now, feelings of shame mix with low self-esteem, low self-confidence, and high anxiety.
Tuesday, October 6
After telling a friend about wearing PJs all day and being reminded to take showers by my wife, he tells me that I'm depressed. But there's no room in my psyche for depression. As my wife gives me two possible job leads she tells me that I've got to stay hungry. That's true, I tell myself. However, some jobs pay so little that we'd all stay hungry.
Wednesday, December 9
I decide to job-hunt the old-fashioned way today by driving to companies and hand-delivering my resume. At my first stop, a friendly receptionist tells me to apply online through their website. I thank her and ask if I can hand my resume over to HR in the meantime. "Sorry, sir. Everything is done online."
My next stop is a large production plant located 90 minutes away, in Hollis Center. This time a receptionist hands me a business card listing their website. "Everything's done online, sir." I explain about my 90-minute drive, hoping to hand-deliver my resume to someone. "Sorry," she says without remorse. I can't afford many more unproductive days like this one.
Tuesday, December 29
I'm disgusted by all the shiny, happy job seekers I see on TV, full of high energy, self-confidence, and motivation for that next job interview. They, too, have been screwed by their companies — yet they seem so eager to get porked yet again by another one who's just as eager to do the porking.
Sunday, January 17, 2010