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How are you going to stimulate the economy?
Consistent, hard, sexy pressure. And Prince records.

China just experienced its most devastating earthquake in decades. "Earthquake," or Tibetan karma?
I've never seen the movie "Tibetan karma", so I'd have to go with Earthquake.  It's one of Charlton Heston's finest roles.  I was disappointed that Richard Roundtree didn't stimulate Victoria Principal's economy in it, but still a solid flick. What does that have to do with China?

A recent report reveals that millions of women are at risk for an unplanned pregnancy because they're using their contraception incorrectly. How can this travesty be stopped?
A good, ole-fashioned Flipper Baby scare.  And a theatrical re-release of "Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie" that is mandatory viewing for all females.

Scrubs got picked up by ABC! What does your adorably goofy, sometimes wrenchingly poignant inner monologue have to say about that?
"It's like sometimes they like just come true, those dreams you have, or whatever. It's not creepy to have a crush on Dr. Elliot Reed, even though she has the same last name as you.  You're not related.  But then again, we are all kind of related, as mankind, and I'm the kind of man who loves a happy ending."  Then, my inner monologue makes me direct a boring movie and date Mandy Moore.

Related: Protect thyself, You could look it up, Last man standing, More more >
  Topics: Comedy , Charlton Heston
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ARTICLES BY SARA FAITH ALTERMAN
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    Blogs, Tweets, and comedy video direct from moose country
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    Warm weather is supposed to be accessorized by lackaday, by a breezy sensibility best enjoyed with a frosty tall boy in one hand, the sloppy product of a back-yard barbecue in the other. Instead, I find myself struggling to balance my beer between my knees and my overstocked paper plate on my thigh as I furiously poke at my BlackBerry.

 See all articles by: SARA FAITH ALTERMAN



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