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Natural born liar

“Shots and Beer” lives in persistent denial
By PHILLIPE & JORGE  |  January 31, 2007

If you ever wanted a definition of “congenital liar,” just look at Dick “Big Time” Cheney.
 
You probably saw the wonderful headlines about how Big Time followed up on Dubya’s embarrassing and disingenuous State of the Union speech, citing “enormous successes” in Iraq. The snarling war enthusiast Cheney is trying to whitewash the tragic travesty he and Rummy have created.
 
Unfortunately, other than columnists like Maureen Dowd of the New York Times, the national mainstream news media fails to call him out for these outrageous, patent lies. Oh, except for Wolf Blitzer on CNN. Great. The only journalist with enough balls to confront Big Time about his prevarications is a cable news reporter with a name that sounds more faux than “Rock Hudson.”
 
Blitzer asked “Shots and Beers” Cheney about the “blunders and failures” in Iraq, a premise that the veep called “hogwash.” He also ducked questions about the pregnancy of his lesbian daughter Mary. Not to mention the GOP’s hypocrisy in dealing with gay marriages while Big Time’s progeny was not dating any of DC’s most eligible male bachelors.
 
The kicker for P&J was when Shots and Beers said, “The pressure is from some quarters to get out of Iraq. If we were to do that, we would simply validate the terrorists’ strategy that says the Americans will not stay to complete the task, that we don’t have the stomach for the fight.”
 
Don’t have the stomach? This comes from a man with a slew of deferments. (Everybody now, kiddies, for the Big Time “potato” choosing game: “One deferment, two deferment, three deferment, four; Five deferment, nail your wife and hide behind the door.”) Big Time, you not only lack the stomach, you are missing cojones, too, when it comes to doing any real fighting.
 
Sleep tight, Henry Kissinger.

Cold Sweat
Noses are out of joint in the Casa Diablo kitchen, and P&J have had to calm our personal chef, Marcel, about his working conditions of late.
 
It seems that whenever your superior correspondents have had a big dinner party — featuring folks like Senator Jim Webb, George Will, John Waters, Anna Nicole Smith, Pope Benedict, Nelson Mandela and Steve Colbert — Marcel has been forced to use the walk-in refrigerator to get to his provisions. This is because he has to work around the golden casket of James Brown.
 
Yes, your superior correspondents graciously offered our large cooling unit to keep the Godfather of Soul on ice (apologies to Eldridge Cleaver) until his squabbling family works out the de¬tails of where he is to be buried back in Georgia.
 
This is the grimmest post-mortem legal battle since the cryogenic freezing of Ted Williams’s head. We urge — and not just for Marcel’s sake — that Brown’s children and trustees come to their senses, erect the Graceland equivalent of a shrine in which his body should be entombed, and show the great man the dignity he deserves.

Books For Bush
As everyone has pointed out by now, the idea of a $500 million presidential library for Dubya Bush — at Southern Methodist University, to be established after he leaves office (and not a day too soon) — is the ultimate contradiction.
 
Naturally, Chimp Boy is trying his hardest to prevent the release of his private papers. P&J predict that the two largest areas at the library are bound to be the children’s section, with a special The Pet Goat exhibit, and a first-ever, unique concept for a presidential library — a flash cards section.

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[ 08/21 ]   Providence Polaroid Project  @ 235 Westminster St
ARTICLES BY PHILLIPE & JORGE
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  •   ONWARD, CHRISTIAN GOVERNOR!  |  September 02, 2009
    It's nice to see Governor Don "Laughing Boy" Carcieri loosening up by sharing the real Donnie Boy with the people of Vo Dilun. Initially (certainly in his first campaign for governor in 2002) Don tried to come across as a moderate conservative, not unlike his immediate predecessor, Linc Almond.
  •   UNITED WE STAND  |  August 26, 2009
    With the local AFL-CIO elections coming up, Phillipe and Jorge would like to make a rare union endorsement by saying that nothing would please us more than to have George Nee, current secretary-treasurer of the organization, win his bid to take over departing Frank Montanaro's position as the organization's president.  
  •   RISD'S HOPE-LESS SITUATION  |  August 12, 2009
    On August 3 it was announced by the Rhode Island School of Design that Hope Alswang had resigned as the director of the RISD Museum. Those who have followed the coverage of this story may be somewhat confused by the revelation that absolutely everyone acknowledged that Alswang was a superlative museum director and that absolutely no one involved in the arts scene at RISD or in the state of Vo Dilun thinks that she voluntarily "resigned." It was said that she loved the job, and the vague announcement that Alswang left to "pursue other opportunities" sounds as suspicious as elected officials dropping out of election campaigns to "spend more time with their families."
  •   GUBERNATORIAL AGONISTES  |  August 05, 2009
    On Tuesday, WRNI political reporter and former Phoenix news editor and master of the Casa Diablo elbow bend, Ian Donnis, broke the news that veteran political communications specialist, Bill Fischer, head ramrod at True North Communications, had signed on as spokesman for the State Treasurer Frank Caprio's gubernatorial campaign committee.
  •   THE IQUITAROD  |  July 08, 2009
    Phillipe and Jorge wish they could claim to have coined that headline about professional loony Sarah Palin's resignation as governor of Alaska prior to her first term being completed, but full points go to Geoffrey Dunn of The Huffington Post .

 See all articles by: PHILLIPE & JORGE



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